Peace

Your Eyes can Play Tricks on You

I hope you enjoy this optical illusion.
For the best effect, click the image to enlarge.

If you're like me there are times when you just need to change focus. At times like these I look to God, family, friends, music and humor.

Good Rock Song:
Heard a new song I like, so I thought I'd share. It reminds me that we're fighting for men to be able to be men. (Please excuse the tiny little part about shooting people in the ankles.)
Never Gonna Change by the Drive-by Truckers.
Thanks to Soundloads

And Back to Business for one moment:

New SPW blog
If you haven't seen it yet, check out the new Shared Parenting Works blog. I've found a whole new community at myspace and hope to do some networking there. Speaking of networking I've recently been posting on an Italian fathers rights forum. There are crusaders all over the world.

SPW web site:
I think it's vital that we set good examples and that we offer the tools people need to accomplish co-parenting. Please send me everything you have and everything you come across on shared parenting. I'm in the process of building an online library and self-help center on the SPW web site, which is and will always be free of charge.

Song:
Thanks to Music Video Codes for the video on this blog.

If you find the autoplay feature a problem, please let me know. (I'd like to learn how to make it optional.) For now you can click the stop button as soon as the page loads if you want.

Now enjoy this funny video:
We have to assume he wants us to laugh at him...
Funny dude thanks to this damn blog.

The Shared Parenting Works blog

Please visit the new Shared Parenting Works blog

"The future of education" is now on the SPW blog.
Sorry for the inconvenience.

.

URGENT ACTION ALERT FROM VAWA 4 ALL !

*** PLEASE NOTE ***
CORRECTED FAX NUMBER

URGENT ACTION ALERT
FROM VAWA 4 ALL !

Many of you have contributed to our project VAWA4ALL and others are new to it but NOW is the time for each and EVERYONE to make the most important contribution they will have an opportunity to make.

I will not explain the situation ( it's bad lobbying/politics to do so in an open forum such as this) but I need EVERYONE to send a fax AND an e-mail to Rep. John Conyers, contact info provided below. Please EVERYONE - this means every one from us street fighters to our more exualted leaders and intellectuals- Please read the instructions below and follow them closely:

1.) Draft a very brief letter ( which you can also copy& paste to your e-mail). In the subject line on your email insert MAKE VAWA GENDER NEUTRAL.
A.) Be very very polite & respectful & brief.
B.) The first sentence must be

Dear Congressman Conyers,
RE: Reauthorization of VAWA
POSITION: Make VAWA gender neutral and assure funding for male victims.

Please make the VAWA gender neutral. Insert language that will
prohibit the DOJ from denying funding to programs serving
male victims.

C.) You can leave it at that or add a few words of your own but be polite.
No accusations against him or our opponents.

2.) Fax to 202-225-0072

3.) E-mail to john.conyers@mail.house.gov

PLEASE DO THIS ONE AND ALL.
THIS IS CRITICAL.
PLEASE ACT RIGHT NOW.

NOTE: If you want suggestions as to what to add to your letter and e-mail here are some-

"The DOJ reports that 36% or 835,000 of the 2.3 million victims of domestic
violence are male victims."

"Please provide services based on need, not gender"

"The Fourthteenth Amendment trumps special interest gender politics"

" Before we are men or women we are human beings first"

Thank You Folks. I'm counting on you. All true believers in equality are counting on you. I've got to now. I have to draft my letter and fax and e-mail it.

Dave
David R. Burroughs, Esq.
Legislative Consultant, SHCFC
Safe Homes for Children and Families Coalition
Vawa4all.org
185 Springfield Dr.
North East,MD 21901
410-392-8244 (o)
302-540-1723 (c)

--------------------
SAMPLE LETTER:
--------------------

to: john.conyers@mail.house.gov


Dear Congressman Conyers,
RE: Reauthorization of VAWA
POSITION: Make VAWA gender neutral and assure funding for male victims.

Please make the VAWA gender neutral. Insert language that will
prohibit the DOJ from denying funding to programs serving
male victims.

As a woman I'm ashamed of our government for this bias.

Teri Stoddard
---------------------------------------------------------

Thinking of you today

Today is Fathers Day.

Many fathers will spend the day surrounded by their loved ones, enjoying bar-b-ques and opening handmade gifts from their children. Other fathers will spend the day alone, or grieving a child who is missing from their lives. Today I am thinking of those dads. My heart breaks for each and every one of them. I know the depth of the love they have for their children.

I expected to read articles on the importance of fathers this week, it is Fathers Day week after all. I was not expecting all of the anti-father articles. Just yesterday I came across 4 articles written with one purpose... to tarnish the image of the Fathers and Family Rights Movement. They turned what should have been articles about the rights of children, into articles about battering men. I see clearly now that this is their tactic. They are so clever with their words and statistics. One even stooped so low as to twist the truth about me. The truth doesn't matter to them, winning does. Well, I'm here to say that I will continue to tell the truth. I believe that people know when they read the truth. I believe that people respect the truth. I know I do.

To all of the dads reading this, bless you. If you have your kids with you, hug them tight. Do something silly today. Fly balsa wood airplanes, blow bubbles, or have a water fight with the hose. Your kids will appreciate the memories. And I know you will. If you don't have your child with you today, .... heck, who am I to tell you how to deal with this? ... I don't know what to say. ... Just know that you are cared about. And you are not alone. If you haven't yet, please consider joining a family rights organization. Together we will achieve justice for our children.

I love you all,
Teri

It's not your Mother's Fathers Movement anymore

In honor of Fathers Day here is "It's not your Mother's Fathers Movement anymore." It's pretty long, so grab a cup of coffee and get comfortable. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


I'm a 40-something, independent, liberal, California single mother of four and grandmother to one, and I'm working within the Fathers Movement. This surprises some people. They must wonder why I'm championing these men if it's true that, "fathers who seek custody, they're not all great fathers." That was the truth according to Mira Fox, who runs Child Abuse Solutions, Inc. when she testified in May against AB 1307, California's shared parenting bill. Shared parenting, (joint physical custody), and this bill are supported by professionals in the legal, medical, and mental health fields and by family rights organizations, veterans groups and individuals all over California. People across the nation, and around the globe applauded our efforts on behalf of children, and I was proud to be in Sacramento that day. I watched Fox testifying and the picture she painted disturbed me.

Fox said, "Children are often given into the custody of abusive fathers." According to my research, in approximately 70 percent of all California child custody cases mothers receive sole physical custody. Fathers receive it approximately 10 percent of the time. (Nationwide mothers receive sole physical custody 84 percent of the time.) If children are given into the custody of abusive fathers, they're given into the custody of abusive mothers as well. Mothers it turns out are most likely to harm a child. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration on Children, Youth and Families, approximately two-fifths (40.8 percent) of child victims were neglected or abused by "their mothers acting alone." Just 18.8 percent were maltreated by their fathers acting alone, (and 1 7 percent of children were abused or neglected by both their mothers and fathers).

Fox testified about the sexual abuse of children. By far most child custody cases do not involve the sexual abuse of children, but the words alone can strike fear. I don't blame her. She wanted to win, and she's good at it. It's what she does for a living. Fox's organization, by her own testimony that day, trains people in the family court system how to litigate and adjudicate child sexual abuse cases. I care about victims of abuse too. I want to make sure that no child is put in harm's way. AB 1307, like most shared parenting bills, had provisions to protect children who are victims of abuse. This was a non-issue. But again, the subject of child abuse was brought up.

It disturbs me greatly that Fox casually painted fathers as perpetrators of incest when in fact fathers are the least likely of all males to commit sexual abuse. According to the January 2005 Male Perpetrators of Child Maltreatment: Findings from NCANDS, fathers are, "less likely than other male perpetrators to be involved in sexual abuse." Keeping fathers in the lives of their children protects them.

This tactic, mentioning sexual abuse, is similar to our opponents bringing up abusive and "controlling men". These men are the minority. The same is true about men in the Men's Movement, (not to be confused with the Father and Family Rights Movement), who want to completely eliminate child support, and the ones who want to revert to patriarchy. Sure, they're out there, but they do not represent the people I work with, the people who are fighting for equality in child custody. We are the real Fathers and Family Rights Movement.

And I do call it fighting sometimes. It feels like that when I have to deal with the politics of it. At one time I had no idea that I would be pitted against people who are fighting equality. This is America. The whole idea astounds me. I find it frustrating that the opponents of joint physical custody use sensationalism to "win" when it is most beneficial to our children when we all just stay honest and above board.

When I first encountered the Fathers Movement it was by accident. My son was having a child outside of marriage and he asked me for help. His father had abandoned him as a baby shortly after he and I divorced. My son later told me that the most important thing in his life was to be a good dad. He wanted to be the best father he could be, in every possible way. When he learned in his 20's that he was going to be a father and that marriage wasn't a possibility, he asked me to find out how to insure he'd be a large part of his child's life. I had been successfully co-parenting with his sister's father, a man I'd never married, for 15 years so we both knew it was possible. I was happy to see him looking into parenting plans and caring for the baby's mother. Unfortunately, shortly after his daughter's birth an attorney was hired, my son was served a summons for family court, and the situation turned adversarial. I went online to see what I could learn, unknowingly stepping into the Fathers Movement.

Shortly after I became involved in the movement, I realized there was a battle going on between a handful of radical patriarchs, called "angry fathers rights activists" by the radical feminists and a handful of radical feminists, called "feminazis" by the radical patriarchs, with both sides tossing around accusations, insults, and outdated and inaccurate statistics to try to prove their side was right. I decided to do my own research, to see what the truth really is. I'll admit I was put off by the hostility. I can almost understand why the Fathers Movement has a bad reputation. I saw posts online like, "You might get lucky. The Ex might lose interest or get hit by a truck." Oh, wait, that quote isn't from a Fathers Movement web site. That's from an anti-Fathers Movement, anti-equal custody activist's web site. The same woman, who has never met my reformist friends, or me, yet sent a letter from her state to my legislators calling us "angry fathers' rights activists."

What I found as I dug deeper through the maze of "bad facts" was that both sides were describing the same thing. Both sides exposed the same broken court system. These quotes, "it really depends upon the Judge, which GAL, (Guardian ad Litem), or Evaluator is used and all the biases he or they might hold" and "it's not simply a matter of attorney v. attorney (or facts or laws or even evaluators, all of which are key players) as much as it is the strategy of knowing which cases to bring before which judges", came from the same anti-Fathers Movement online forum. I've read similar statements many times in the Fathers Movement forums.

I naively assumed that since my son had been a great father during the entire pregnancy, and since joint physical custody had been law in our state for over 20 years, that he would be treated as an equal to his child's mother. I was shocked by what happened as he went through the family court system. He was prevented from having equal physical custody of his daughter by what could only be called gender bias. Lies were accepted as truth, physical evidence was ignored, the "best interest of the child" and justice were not served. I will never forget his anguish or the trauma my granddaughter went through. I knew that I could not turn my back on this kind of blatant bias and injustice.

It's now been three years and I've learned that the injustice and heartbreak my son went through is happening to fathers, and some mothers, not only all over California, but also all over America, and even all over the world. I've learned that what used to be the Fathers Movement has become more of a Family Rights Movement with the inclusion of noncustodial mothers, grandparents trying to get their grandchildren out of foster care, and families dealing with Child Protection Services, (CPS). And I've learned that gender bias isn't the only problem in the family courts.

I'm honored to be associated with advocates, activists and reformists in more than a dozen countries including the US, Canada, the UK, Germany, Scotland, South Africa, New Zealand, Australia and Italy. I've heard hundreds of personal accounts from parents. Everywhere, all around the world parents are saying the system is broken, that it doesn't serve the needs of today's families. Part of the problem is that the adversarial winner-take-all atmosphere of the current family court system is causing unnecessary conflict and hostility, financial devastation, and worst of all, the tragic separation of decent, fit, loving parents from their children.

Many fathers have told me that they want both equal physical and legal custody, but they only got joint legal custody. Instead of having significant quality time to truly parent their children, instead of getting the respect they deserve and access to programs that are now exclusively for custodial parents, noncustodial parents simply have "the parental right to make major decisions regarding the child's health, education and welfare" and have "visitation" with their children.

Jeffery Shipman, 44, a New York father to 21-month-old Deonna, can only see his daughter every other weekend and one weekday evening. He told me, "People often say to me now, "It must be getting easier now, huh Jeff?" I always reply, "It never gets easier" ...and you know, a part of me never wants this miniscule amount of time to ever become "easier" for me. For if one day per week becomes "easier" to cope with and I would be considered "adjusted", that would tell me I'm not doing my job as a father. It's totally unnatural as a dad not to see my own child for a week straight."

Approximately one-third of the participants in the Fathers Movement, or Family Rights Movement as some call it, are women. Some are grandmothers like me, some are second wives or girlfriends. Others are professionals or concerned citizens, and some are noncustodial moms like Beverly Morris. Beverly, 39, lives in Florida with her husband and their child, and is a noncustodial parent to two children in Pennsylvania. She told me, "It's been over seven years and I still feel raped, angry, and severely robbed of my parental rights to raise (my) children." Beverly is now founder and President of The National Association of Non Custodial Moms, Inc., an online emotional support forum for noncustodial parents of both genders. She said, "It makes me feel like the court system doesn't care at all what is in the best interest of children; they only care that they continue to make money through hearing after hearing; a trap which I refuse to fall into, and I refuse to put my children through."

I've heard supporters of sole custody say that liberal visitation is adequate for maintaining a close parent-child relationship, yet they aren't considering the families who are forced to deal with move-aways and estrangement. According to Rebecca Mackey, a remarried 27-year-old noncustodial mother to one, "I lost a part of my heart that has never repaired itself. The phases I feel are similar to the ones that people go through after someone dies. The only difference is that you don't get to go on with life and remember them. You get to go on with life knowing that they miss you and need you and you are helpless to do anything about it. There is no closure, just a constant searing pain in your soul that some big part of yourself is missing."

The fathers I know in the movement are regular dads; average, responsible, fit, loving fathers, just everyday dads like you meet in your neighborhood. Yet, they are prevented from fully parenting their children. Unmarried fathers, fathers to one-third of all the babies born in our country, are almost universally denied physical custody of their children. They're told, "It's against policy" by mediators, attorneys and judges. Bill Sharp, 51, a never-married Illinois father to 14-year-old Tasha and 15-year-old Willy lost his joint physical custody after his former partner refused to cooperate with the courts. Instead of giving custody to the parent who was most willing to facilitate a relationship between the children and the other parent, the judge awarded sole custody to the mother. Bill told me he still remembers the judge in his case saying, "The father should not be upset because this is how it ends up in 90 per cent of the cases."

Bill's son Willy said, "I'm angry and confused. I went to court and told the judge I wanted week-week. I don't have bad parents. That's what's fair. It's the best thing I can think of. The judge said he'd give me week-week. But then it was taken away from me before it even started and no one told me why. They ought to give a reason if they're going to take away time with a parent. No one gave me a reason". He went on, "Mom gave me a reason, she said she was the better parent. Mom tells me that 50/50 is bad but doesn't tell me why. She was always trying to convince me that 50/50 was a bad idea." Willy then said the same thing I was thinking, "I don't understand why the one who is compromising is punished."

Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author of Father and Child Reunion told me, "Fighting to be the primary parent is not a mothering instinct - or a fathering instinct - it is an instinct of territoriality. Any mother with a mothering instinct senses that children need both their mom and their dad because children are both their mom and their dad. When they are missing either, they are missing that half of themselves. The children who need most the stability of both halves of themselves are the children of divorce, especially those children whose parents are the most in conflict."

Bill added, "Ask any kid what they want in a custody solution and they'll tell you they want both their mom and their dad; and they'll tell you that they want them equally. Why? Well, primarily because it's really what they want. But most kids have had fairness drilled into them as part of their parent's, and school's, and church's, and their role models' instruction as to the proper way to go through life."

Jamil Jabr, who has been divorced for 2 years and has one child, has been involved in organizing Fathers-4-Justice in the United States. He has been working to build the group as a recognized non-profit, charitable organization. His intention is to support the gender-neutral civil rights movement in America that is fighting for equality in child custody. Jamil, who lives in Minnesota, told me, "Replacing the presumption of sole physical custody with joint physical custody will remove the need to have a winner and a loser. It won't take much to change the presumption so that everyone can be a winner, particularly children, families and society, once the voice of the people stands up to the entrenched special interests and profiteers which, fortunately, are in the minority but, unfortunately, extremely powerful and loathe to change."

One falsehood that is repeated about joint custody is that it is forced 50/50. This is not true. Most parents, including people in the movement, realize it isn't realistic to split timeshare exactly down the middle. The age of the child, relationship with parents prior to the custody hearing, the work schedule of each parent, these are all things that need to be taken into account by both parents. When you hear "equal custody" it means the parents are equal, not necessarily the time. From the moment they sit down at the negotiating table to the day the judge makes his order, they should be equals, and in today's family court system they are not.

Adryenn Ashley, a motion picture producer with 21st Century Pictures Group is one of the women in the movement. She lives in California with her husband and their 2-year-old son. Adryenn experienced the injustice of the family court system firsthand while helping her husband with his case from a previous marriage. Since then she has been filming a documentary about the family courts and how they impact families in the United States. The Family Alliance Council, a not-for-profit company that promotes positive images of families and responsible role models, funds the documentary . Adryenn observed, "We can make the future better for our children, but we have to put aside our own personal prejudices and work toward the real best interests of the children. And I think we can all agree, that a profit machine that sucks billions of dollars out of the pockets of taxpayers, thus reducing the amount available to fund the future generations, is not in anyone's best interest."

According to Ronald Rohner and Robert Veneziano, authors of The Importance of Father Love: History and Contemporary Evidence, (Review of General Psychology 5.4, 2001), "Having a loving and nurturing father was as important for a child's happiness, well-being, and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother." I'm happy to report that today my son and his daughter's mother co-parent successfully. They communicate often and in positive terms about their daughter, they both remain flexible with drop-off and pick-up times and days, and my granddaughter shows the benefit of knowing that both of her parents love her always, and that neither are ever far away, or away for long.

Wendy Sheppard, 34, a licensed social worker and life coach who has shared custody of her 8-year-old son told me, "We have a week on/week off custody arrangement in which we both see our son every day no matter where he sleeps. My clients and friends often remark at how "lucky" I am to have such a mutual arrangement with my ex. I don't consider myself "lucky". I'm doing what's best for my son because it's about HIM, not ME. It's not luck - it's about putting my personal feelings aside and doing what's best for my son."

When asked, the general public has shown overwhelming support for shared parenting and equal custody. As reported by Fathers & Families in November 2004, 37 districts in Massachusettshad a non-binding ballot question asking if voters supported shared parenting. With over 600,000 votes cast, 86 percent of the voting public said "Yes." In Michigan recently the Detroit News carried out an on-line survey asking the following question, "For divorcing parents, should Michigan courts make equally shared custodial responsibility of children the standard?" Again, 86 percent of respondents voted "Yes".

What I've learned in the last three years in the movement is that children want equal access to both of their parents and that parents of both genders want equal access to their children. I've learned that studies show children adjust to divorce best when they maintain the same level of contact with their parents as they had before the divorce and that in some cases shared parenting can actually reduce conflict between parents. I learned that other unmarried parents could successfully co-parent, even if they didn't think they could. And I learned that society supports shared parenting and equal custody. To answer the question of why I'm working within the Fathers Movement, I'm here to tell the truth.

Teri Stoddard

For more information on shared parenting please visit these web sites:

Children's Rights Council
Families and Fathers Conference
Fathers & Families
Noncustodial Moms
Shared Parenting Works

Burnaby Bat and Robin in Buckaneer's Parade

Greetings from Vancouver BC Canada and the Burnaby Bat.

Buckaneer's Parade in Victoria BC Canada.

Leading the proceeding was some of our finest superheroes, followed by the Burnaby Batman and Robin upon a stretched limo.....

The Bat and Robin then travelled from Vancouver to Victoria upon the BC Ferry in costume...

Best Wishes and Happy Fatherless Day everyone.

Canada's First Batman - Rob R, and Robin

DC Fathers Day March and Demonstration

DC Father's Day Demonstration and March

US Capitol - west side overlooking The Mall
June 18 + 19, 2005

Join us as we hold a weekend long demonstration
on the grounds of the US Capitol. Followed by a
march to the White House on Fathers Day as we
await the return of President Bush on Monday.

For more information:
Info
Web site

Alabama D-Con Demonstration

The Alabama Coalition for Fathers and Children's (ALCFC) elite Family Court D-Contamination Unit will return to action Friday June 17, 2005 from 11:00 am until 1:00 pm at the Jefferson County Family Court located at 120 2nd Court North in Birmingham. The D-Con Unit in full biohazard costumes will symbolize the clean up and neutralization of the terribly flawed court system.

Alan Rusmisel vice-president of ALCFC added,

"This is an on going campaign to provide awareness and educate the public to the abuse by a judicial system that seems to be dedicated to the destruction of families and the separation of children from their parents. We are spreading a message through PEACEFUL direct actions mixed with a bit of fun and humor."

Contact Info:

Web site
Alabama Coalition for Fathers and Children - 205-663-9984
John Kral - President - 205-368-3871
Alan Rusmisel - Vice president - 205-999-7211

Pennsylvania's Annual Fatherless Day Rally

Pennsylvania's Annual Fatherless Day Rally

WHO: Equal Custody and Equal Rights Advocates / Everyone welcome!

WHAT: Fatherlessness

WHEN: 12 Noon, June 17, 2005 Friday

WHERE: Family Division (Divorce) Courthouse,
440 Ross Street, Pittsburgh (Downtown Area)

HOW: Wear regular clothes or wear purple because it is the international color of equality. Wear anything purple: purple wigs, purple capes, purple clothes, purple face paint, purple streamer flags, canister spray can horns, whistles, bells, drums, Santa, Detox, Elvis, Bunny, or superhero outfits, aluminum glitter wigs, purple balloons, giant balloons, bull horns, horns, large pictures of your kids, graduation gowns = judges gowns. Bring posters saying: "We want to see our kids!"

WHY: To support joint custody legislation

INFO: Mens Custody Shelter Network

Wisconsin Fathers Rally

Wisconsin Fathers Rights Rally 2005
in support of equal rights and responsibilities.

Join us on June 11th, 2005
State Capital, Madison, Wisconsin
from 11am to 1pm.

Speakers

Steve Blake
WFCF President

James Novak
Author of
"The Wisconsin Father's Guide to Divorce and Custody"
and past president and founding father of WFCF

Dick Woods
Fathers for Equal Rights, Iowa

Albert M. Holmes (invited)
Milwaukee Fatherhood Collaborative

Dr. Brian Palevac
Chiropractic Clinical Neurologist

Steve Walrath
Motivational speaker and author of
"A Divorced Parent's Guide to Seeing Your Kids"

Tamara North and Jodi Roberts
Wisconsin Women for Equality in Family Law
Wisconsin Fathers

Healing our Families - Time for a Change

If at all possible, don't miss this conference. This is sure to be the most exciting and productive family rights conference of the year!

Michigan's Families and Fathers Conference
~Healing our Families - Time for a Change~
June 17th and 18th, 2005

With key emphasis on the integrity of the parent-child relationship, Healing our Families participants will learn about the specifics of the American family crisis as well as solutions from nationally recognized speakers.

Through presentations, question and answer sessions, networking and conferencing, participants will share their collective knowledge to grasp the dynamics of the current family crisis and substantively contribute to a rigorous national dialogue on reform of our family law system as well as federal and state policies governing our families.

This conference will be a unique, informative and excitng gathering for all who attend.

For information, or to register click here.

Justice is coming

A father's love

"I remember the birth of my first born son in September 1986. I remember the pacing of the halls as I anxiously awaited the moment. I remember comforting my wife as best I could through the experience......

I was the proudest papa in the world with the birth of my little boy and cried as he appeared. I was only 21 at the time. Ten fingers, ten toes, his mothers radiance and his father's good looks, what could possibly go wrong?

My son was born two months premature with many complications and so it began. He was immediately moved to the intensive care unit.............

16 days later I finally was able to hold him for the first time. I held him close to my heart, my tears falling upon his face, I kissed his forehead and told him I would forever love him as he breathed his last breath............"

This is a note I received from my friend Burnaby Batman. I'm sharing it, with his permission, because it clearly shows that fathers love their children deeply, and even when they are separated, in this case by death, they do not forget about them.

B.Bat can be found here Fathers4Justice-Canada

Justice is coming