Can the Equal Custody Movement become truly gender-neutral?
When I first got involved in child custody reform it became clear to me that the Equal Custody/Equal Parents Movement was overshadowed by the Fathers' Rights Movement and/or Men's Movement. Not only is the Equal Custody Movement just a tiny part of the larger movement, but many saw it as a sell-out. Some still do.
I felt alone, floating on a raft in The Sea of Testosterone. Not only were there very few women activists, but most of us were received with suspicion. So many of these men who had been wronged in the worst possible way by the partners they loved, simply no longer trusted women.
During the last three years I have seen noticable changes. For one, there are many women involved now. Also, leaders in the Equal Custody Movement have made headway into the mainstream media, (Ned Holstein of the MA group Fathers & Families was recently interviewed for the NPR show The Tug Of War Over Children). Activists have networked across the globe, (this blog is read in over three dozen countries), shared resources and become a stronger political force.
Some in the Fathers' and Men's Movement don't accept the work being done by Equal Custody activists. They see bandaids being requested when what they want is full-scale surgery on the status of family in society. After reading what they have to say about the causes of the destruction of the nuclear family I can't say I disagree with them, at least for the most part.
But this is where we part ways. I disagree that we should reject new Equal Custody laws, instead pushing for a larger transformation to a more conservative political landscape, one where the 2-parent heterosexual family is the only accepted option. I'm an egalitarian, but that's beside the point. I'm not passing judgement on those who hold different opinions, not at all. I'm just impatient.
The way I see it, it will be a lot easier to get the Equal Custody that we want, by itself, as one simple issue. We don't need to change everyone's political affiliations and beliefs. We only need to unify all those who know that every child deserves both parents equally active in their lives. This includes liberals, democrats, and women.
My wish is that the Fathers' and Men's Movement will support the Equal Custody Movement. Many participants are in both after all. I'm asking them to help us to get the justice our children and grandchildren deserve. In doing so they will be getting more supporters for their movement.
I also think not only do we need to take the focus off of fathers, but off all parents. We're really fighting for children's rights. I know when it comes to law, we're talking about parents' rights. What I mean is when we talk about this issue, when we write about this issue, we need to focus on the children. The Fathers' Movement has always been criticized for being selfish, for putting men's desires above that of their children. I know it's not true, but many do not.
I've been criticized for trying to change men. This is simply not true. In the last three years I've come to know, understand and honor men more than any other time in my life. I know exactly how much men can love their children, how responsible they can feel for them, and how raped they feel by not being able to raise them. My goal all along has been to change the public's opinion of fathers. That hasn't changed.
Listen to this new National Public Radio show
From the article:
"If you're going to throw it, you've got to be able to receive it. And if they're on the receiving end, they don't like it," said Rep. Karen McRae, vice chairwoman of the committee and a Goffstown Republican. Any lobbyist afraid to be videotaped "should get out of politics right now," she said.
Rep. David Bickford, a committee member who has sponsored several bills that Snider supports, called the complaints about discomfort a last-ditch tactic used by lobbyists to divert attention from the merits of legislation. "They're trying to play that they're the victims," said Bickford, a New Durham Republican. "I find that underhanded. I don't believe for a minute they're intimidated."~!~
- The public surely needs more exposure to the actuality of the legislative process as it relates to family law.
It is very important to draw the parallel between the lack of accountability for false assertions being made at the Statehouse by special interest lobbyists with the lack of accountability for false assertions being made in the family courts to gain advantage in child custody proceedings.
A father in a NH family court confronted with a similar allegation from his child's mother (or her attorney) will find himself ejected from his home and separated from his children in most all cases. When and if the allegation is proven to be unfounded, no action is *ever* taken to hold the perjuror [leading to a separation, perhaps prolonged for months or years, of child and father] responsible for such heinous and serious allegations.
The lack of accountability in such cases has led to a statewide pandemic of false allegations in the context of divorce and child custody.
The special interest lobbyists refuse to debate the bills in question on their merits, instead slinging mud to discredit reform supporters, because their arguments on behalf of retaining the dysfunctional status quo truly are *meritless*.
No incorrect information is given at NHCUSTODY.ORG, as NHCADSV Executive Director Grace Mattern claimed in the article. This is about full disclosure, and Ms. Mattern and her organization don't like such transparency.
Rep. Mary Gile was quoted as saying the public needs to be patient.
The public has been waiting patiently for reform for far too long. Patience is expired. It is time *now* to do the right thing, or for the Committee members to reasonably explain *why* they are not passing reform legislation. To date, no reasonable explanations are being, nor have been, provided.
The public and media have a right to these explanations.
Have a look at bills HB1580, HB1583, HB1585, and HB1586 for the details of desperately needed reforms that have been rejected by the legislature for years now. These are the same 4 bills that the lobbyists refused to testify about on Tuesday the 17th, despite being in attendence to monitor the public hearings prior to alleging their hollow cries of 'fear' when the public was not present 2 days later.
Not a single individual showed up to testify against the above bills during the public hearings for them.
Why, you may ask...?
Because the public support for these reforms is overwhelming.
And because the only individuals opposed are those representing professional special interest groups that profiteer off of separating children from their fit parents at the time of divorce. These groups do not want to explain in the public light why it is that they oppose such clear reforms for fairness, equity, and the real best interests of NH's children.
Sincerely,
Marc Snider
3 Ellie Drive
Merrimack, NH 03054
(603) 801-2008
WWW.NHCUSTODY.ORG
Krights Radio
Krights Radio is looking for state representatives to call in and report on family law reform efforts. If you're interested, write to direct@krightsradio.com. Be sure to listen to their Fathers4Justice special. Now LIVE HERE.
Problems with FOC of Michigan?
California Ballot Initiative
I'd like to congratulate Dan Hogan for taking over the Presidential position from Ned Holstein at Fathers & Families. If I lived in MA I'd already have my resume submitted for the vacant Assistant Director of Operations position.
posted by Teri at 12:49 PM
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